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It’s an implant!
What. The. Fuck. I’m working backwards because today was surprising. I went in for my first Zoladex shot. All I knew about it was that it’s supposed to suppress my hormones and that I’ll get it every quarter. Well, my very favorite nurse (WHO IS MOVING TO ALASKA I HATE YOU!) came and got me and I asked about where it was gonna go. The stomach. Shit, okay. Then she explains that it’s an IMPLANT. She brought me ice and had me ice the lower stomach area for a while. She printed off the side effects and all the other information I needed to know (that the docs didn’t give…
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Laura’s Chemotherapy Tips
I had plans to write this post at some point, but a dear friend of mine has a parent about to embark on the chemo ride. If you don’t mind sending out those good, healing vibes out into the universe like you did for me, I’d appreciate it. Note that I did NOT use any of the ice on my extremities or my head. I didn’t want to sit for chemo longer than I had to. Chemo Tips Everyone’s symptoms/side effects are vastly different. It can be tough to hear others are doing better or worse. You’ll find after talking to many cancer patients that experiences have a wide range.…
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Living Out Loud
I’ve noted that I’ve been feeling a little lost. It was nine months of crisis mode, and then you’re done. Well, kinda done. I’m excited to be “back”–whatever that means–but I don’t really remember what it was like before all this. Cancer changes your fucking life. In one of my “flattie” groups, I asked for some advice on how I should approach re-entering my workplace, and instead I got a slew of “why would you ever tell anyone about it” comments. Why would you share everything? Listen. I’ve been living out loud for my entire life. I know what comes with it. I don’t recommend it, but I refuse to…
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hi.
This post will probably be as winding as my life seems to be, so pardon the train of thought. If you haven’t heard from me in a while, I’m sorry. It’s probably for the best, though, because I’m not a great person to be around. I have this sense that it was one thing to have cancer and fall apart…which, I didn’t really. Or didn’t think so. But the weight of all the other life shit sorta sunk me. For the most part, the separation stuff has been good, but it’s brought up a ton of childhood trauma. I fell apart somewhere between that and what cancer treatment is doing…
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A long update!
I keep meaning to check in. I’m kind of in the “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” mindset. Not that cancer was ever nice. Being separated sort of puts a weird spin on things, too. I’m not here to complain about that, either. It just makes things a lot more complicated. I passed up my “cancerversary,” but I don’t care about diagnosis. I think I’ll celebrate my year of being cancer-free at the end of February when I had the double mastectomy; that seems like a good thing to celebrate. I’d love to say I’m done with “active” treatment, but I am not. COVID and several other illnesses…
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The End of Active Treatment
After 14 months of cancer treatment, I am fucking DONE. At the beginning of this whole journey, I thought there’d be a concrete end date. A date I could point to and say, yeah, that’s the day it was over. I’ve found, through lots of support groups, that I am not alone in struggling how to define being done with treatment. Am I in remission? I’m not sure doctors even use that word anymore. Most of us consider NED (No Evidence of Disease) or “cancer free” to be the ultimate end result. So there’s that – the no disease part. Then there’s the treatment portion – active and maintenance. Most…
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Chemoversary
January 24th, 2022, was the last time I had a chemo infusion. The main chemo, anyway. I’m not surprised the anniversary didn’t pop out at me. It’s kind of easy to forget, considering I want to forget. Leftover Symptoms A year out from the worst of chemo (chemo still technically continued until December 2022 with that Phesgo shot): The Aftermath I still get hot flashes which I had during chemo, but I think that’s due more to the stomach implant I get that suppresses ovary function. I physically feel good, for the most part. Not gonna lie, the kids and I have been sick like 95% of the winter so…
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Cancervesaries
WARNING: Chest photos! Turn back if you’re gonna be weird about it. 😉 I’ve been so busy with everything I forgot to remember that February 23, 2022, was my double mastectomy to an aesthetic flat closure! Aaaaaaand then I realized it also means I’ve been one year cancer-free. ???? NED NED = No Evidence of Disease. Or cancer-free. The surgery scraped out the last remnants of cancer, and so far, I haven’t felt any lumps or bumps, so I’m still considered cancer-free. This is fabulous, of course. As a survivor…you’re always kinda wondering when it’ll come back again. You can’t let it take over your life, but it’s important to…
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Turn and Face the Strange
It seems that change is inevitable for me. I had a hard enough time keeping up with life during the pandemic, and then…you know. All the stuff. The Job The problem with having, like, 4 “full-time jobs” is that you legit can’t get them all done at once. This often seems to be thrust upon women. You have to be all the things – default parent, put-together single parent, inspiring cancer patient, household project manager…with an actual full-time job. The ability to handle it without question is the expectation, but that’s unattainble and unsustainable. With that in mind, I left my beloved job of eight years. It’s been scary. Terrifying,…
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July Update
Howdy, friends! It’s been four months since my last confession. During which has been another whirlwind. It’s amazing the shit that can happen to you even when you’ve been through the ringer already. But hey, I’m like a cockroach. I keep coming back for more. Oddly, despite the increase in chaos, things seem clearer than ever. I’ve spent the last four months starting and running my own business, which has been more fun and satisfying than I would have thought. I like building and teaching. And I’ve got this business idea to help other legal professionals do what I did, and get out. Being at our annual industry conference earlier…
