sick sense of humor

If you’re here, you know I have breast cancer. It’s all happening very fast and there are a lot of unknowns. You know me and my writing so I had to create a space where I could write and inform the cheerleaders I’m so lucky to have. And maybe for my kids for the future, should anything happen. And that’s the biggest thing, right? Will anything happen? I worry there’s a time limit. But as my friends tell me, one day at a time. It’s invasive ductal carcinoma and it’s in my lymph nodes. It started a bit earlier in the year with some itching, followed by nipple discharge, followed…

I started this post early in the day but by the end of it, things had totally changed. Amazing how both your mood and outlook change drastically over the course of learning things. Also, the support has been amazing and overwhelming in the best of ways. Forgive me for being shocked, quite frankly, over the outpouring. I think of myself as an acquired taste, and I may have underestimated how many of you don’t mind the flavor. There’s lots of good news. I have no idea in what order these things happened anymore. (I really understand now why you need someone else with you on these.) I am HER2 positive.…

In recent years, I’ve been careful about how much of myself I put out there because I continue to struggle with self-worth. Turns out a lot of it stems from traumatic stress from my childhood, which is why it’s so deeply ingrained. I say that because I am SHOCKED at how much people care. And that’s not so you convince me otherwise, it’s just so you know how deep my gratitude runs. Really, really deep. Overwhelmingly. It helps – just knowing you care. It’s easier to be brave when you know someone’s cheering you on, let alone calling in favors and asking friends for information and sending silly memes in…

This morning, I met with the surgeon at the Virginia Piper Breast Center. He explained the diagnosis (stuff we knew) and then recommended chemotherapy first with Herceptin, which he says is the best advent to breast cancer in his 28 years. The next step is to complete the PET scan for staging and meeting with the breast oncologist, who will recommend a chemo regimen. The nurse explained that this will likely mean chemo for 4-5 months and Herceptin for a year. The idea is to shrink the tumor until it’s gone or at an operable size (it’s large at the moment). Another reason for this is because of that lymph…

I don’t need to set alarms to get up anymore. If the kids don’t do it, the dog does. This meant I wasn’t late for the virtual appointment with the genetics counselors. There were two – one was a student (I was fine having her on). They explained to me how we get our DNA…lol this was the part I could have fast-forwarded around. I see why they give the info, but the appointment wasn’t much more than that and going over my family history. Based on my age and family history, they did order a genetics test. That will get sent to my house and I’ll return with my…

I was too tired to write anything yesterday – not eating takes a big toll on me. But. Fantastic news from the surgeon this morning: cancer is localized to the breast! Hells yeah. That’s the final piece of news that was going to make or break me. 😉 (not really, but you know) The scan itself was mostly waiting. They injected me with radioactive sugar via IV, and then I napped uncomfortably in a chair for an hour. Then you get taken into the scan room. The PET and the CT are done in the same machine. The scan itself is about 14 minutes where you’re passed back and forth…

The Mayo. Was. Crazy. It’s like an airport, seriously. And so many damn people. I can network in a room full of LMA people but put me with a bunch of strangers with different agendas, and I go into a bit of a panic. My “mom friend” (LOL) Erica came with me. ? We drove down Sunday evening so we didn’t have to go down to Rochester in the morning, which is a 2-ish-hour drive from where we live. Stayed at a newish hotel downtown, but upon checking in, two armed police officers who came right up behind us asked for the keys to the 7th floor. They were armed…

Today was one of the harder days for me. There was a huge part of me that wanted to skip the appointment and reschedule it for another day. Only I don’t really have that luxury. And then by the end of the day, I got bad news. Josh ended up meeting me at the breast center so he could listen in. I have yet to do all the googling, but she’s recommending THCP, chemo and the HER2 blockers. The oncologist had a few follow-up questions for the Mayo doc on the tests they ordered, so I shot them a message to figure that out. You have to meet with a…