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Looking Back at Week 1
Mental Health I haven’t been as forthcoming about the first week as I might have been with other things. Not like I need to disclose this, but I pride myself on being open and honest. But then there’s the part of me who still likes to keep the dirty laundry hidden. It’s not fun to talk about all the bad things all the time, even if I am feeling bad more often than not. My body going through chemotherapy is one thing. Getting cancer didn’t change what was going on before the diagnosis. Those stressors and issues are still there. And sometimes, they exacerbate one another. When I’m in pain,…
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The Hair
You know, I really wasn’t that upset about my hair. Evelyn was upset about my hair. I was kinda looking forward to wearing all sorts of colors that I’ve never had. It’s like when you tell people you have cancer and the first thing everyone says is “I’m sorry.” It’s a fine reaction but you get it a lot and usually, it’s said sadly. I get it. I’ve done it, in fact. But now I’m wearing cancer like a badge and I can only handle so many opinions before I fall apart over it. I mean, my kids were making fun of me in the bath when I walked in…
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Chemo Eve: Round II
I find myself thinking about a lot of things these days. This blog tends to be an outlet for me; but I’m also 36 with a career – a professional, if you will! – I don’t need to memorialize my struggles. I didn’t need to do any of this, or say as much as I say…but would it be me? It wouldn’t. So you’re going to get the not-so-great stuff, too. I try not to dwell, but I do process things through words. Writing…so you may be witnessing all my fun neuroses. I sort of apologize…just let me say THIS IS NOT SPONSORED BY MY EMPLOYER. LOL Am I absolved?!…
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Chemo Infusion #2
Today was unexpectedly good. It was a looooong night, however. Took me forever to go to bed and then I was awoken early from the little monkies. Worth it, though. My appointment was at 10, so Josh was able to drop off the kids at school. Evelyn had her first fundraising “opportunity,” so their class won costume-wearing today, and then they ran a bunch of laps for pledges. (Both kids have Cub Scout fundraising to do, so I’ll hit ya’ll up for that soon ?) Got Starbucks on the way to infusion, because PSL. Then it’s off to room #11 where one of my favorite nurses was mine for the…
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Post-Chemo Round 2, Day 1
So again…kinda like pregnancy…we count days post-chemo. The first week was the worst last time. Then you have the 7-10 days post-chemo where your white blood cell count is at its lowest. The nurse told me this is when I avoid foods made by people I don’t know (so take out) and try to stay away from unknown germs as much as possible. I kept notes about my symptoms from last time. Last treatment I had a really weird out-of-body feeling, the neuropathy contributing to it. I’ve got neither of those symptoms at the moment. Heartburn is still manageable, nothing like the last time. The one drug – called the…
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Tired
This week must finally be taking a toll on me. Usually by this point, I’m getting energy back. That has not been the case yet. I’ve been reluctant to give details on my mom’s health since I haven’t gotten her permission. She’d be mortified if I was talking publicly about her. But a lot of what I’m feeling this week is related so it’s hard not include snippets. That said, I’m being a bit vague about it and I apologize in advance. Since I got the phone call from my dad over the weekend, I feel like I’ve been walking in a fog. Not chemo fog, either. I admit to…
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Weekend Updates
Mom Update I finally have a handle on what’s going on with my mom. The surgery for the broken bone in her neck is done and went well. They’ve got her pretty immobile, but she has physical therapy. She’s got a feeding tube in and is on a ventilator. I was able to “talk” to her today while she was conscious (they keep her on pain meds which make her sleepy) – my dad was relaying thumbs-up from her. I sent some pictures of the kids for him to show her. Told her I was feeling great. I’m planning on going to see her on Monday when my WBC is…
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Nothing Else Matters
I don’t know why, but the Metallica song keeps playing through my head. I was so excited to feel well enough to be in the office today – wig and everything! You explain to people, I feel great but my mom literally broke her neck. And then you get a text randomly that notifies you that your mom has been given her last rites and after that, I don’t really know what to say. Thank you to my cousin who read between the lines and suggested I call the hospital. The nurse explained the priest had been walking around the floor, my mother is no closer to death now than…
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Going into Round 3
It’s been a hard couple of weeks, and not really because of the cancer treatment. That’s icing on the cake. (That’s some sarcasm.) If I needed verification that I was more stressed than usual, my Apple Watch told me so. My heart rate has been trending higher for the last two weeks (and that was on top of a higher heart rate). The good news is that I’ve been pretty good about taking care of myself. I drank all the water and took the naps. Talked to my therapist. Meditated. Slept well. And if I ever forget to do any of it, Lindsay reminds me. 😉 Shout out to all…
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Knockdown in Round 3
Knocked down but not out. This week hasn’t been fun. My heart rate has been quite high, even while just laying down. This was also the case for the third infusion. I think my mom is doing ok, but I don’t get lots of information without a lot of effort, so I’ve been trying to roll with it. There is a lot riding on this whole process and I don’t want any setbacks. And speaking of setbacks, we only have one working toilet, and it’s downstairs. No fun for me who gets winded on the trip alone. The upstairs toilet was leaking into the basement ceiling. We assume this has…
