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Chemo Week
The weekend felt like the last of something. Being normal. Not being pumped full of drugs. There was one night where I just couldn’t settle my mind down. I worried about all the work I wanted to get to. The lists I needed to make. The food I wanted to eat. Even with less than four hours of sleep, I was up and at ‘em the next morning. That’s what I mean by the feeling passes relatively quickly. Bad night but not a bad day. Things don’t feel hopeless when I wake up. These are good things. I’ve never done well with unknowns. I’m a planner, I even plan worst-case…
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Day 2 After Chemo
All things considered, I’m doing pretty well. Heartburn/acid reflux seems to be the worst of it, next to the jaw pain (yep!). I’ll call the nurses tomorrow and see if I should just take OTC meds for this or get an ongoing prescription. I do have a bit of neuropathy in my left arm. Moving about seems to do the trick for now. Same thing for fuzziness – I do feel kinda dizzy if I’m stationary too long. I am tired and a little slow, but I did manage to check things off my list today. Drinking lots of water seems to help for dry mouth and hunger pains. Food…
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Working While on Chemo
Having done four rounds of chemotherapy at this point, it’s clear that the 8th day out of chemo is where it really gets better. The first week after was not bad at all this round, but it’s that 8th day that really gives me some energy back! So it was easier to move around today. I don’t get as winded, and my heart rate even calms down a bit. It’s almost like a switch turns on somewhere. I’ve been busy with work this week! It’s so nice to have that while I’m going through this. As I said, I love what I do, so having the “distraction” is great. Even…
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Tony
That was his name. Tony. I went to high school with Tony. He was a grade ahead. We went to a tiny school where everyone not only knows everyone else but is also related. His family had one of those last names everyone knew. But Tony didn’t care who you were, he was always the kindest person in the room. I remember when I found out he had brain cancer. Terminal. I thought he was kidding at first because he said it all while laughing and joking. If you think I’m upbeat, you should have met Tony. He died of brain cancer the other day at 37. We weren’t best…
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Living Out Loud
I’ve noted that I’ve been feeling a little lost. It was nine months of crisis mode, and then you’re done. Well, kinda done. I’m excited to be “back”–whatever that means–but I don’t really remember what it was like before all this. Cancer changes your fucking life. In one of my “flattie” groups, I asked for some advice on how I should approach re-entering my workplace, and instead I got a slew of “why would you ever tell anyone about it” comments. Why would you share everything? Listen. I’ve been living out loud for my entire life. I know what comes with it. I don’t recommend it, but I refuse to…
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hi.
This post will probably be as winding as my life seems to be, so pardon the train of thought. If you haven’t heard from me in a while, I’m sorry. It’s probably for the best, though, because I’m not a great person to be around. I have this sense that it was one thing to have cancer and fall apart…which, I didn’t really. Or didn’t think so. But the weight of all the other life shit sorta sunk me. For the most part, the separation stuff has been good, but it’s brought up a ton of childhood trauma. I fell apart somewhere between that and what cancer treatment is doing…
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A long update!
I keep meaning to check in. I’m kind of in the “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” mindset. Not that cancer was ever nice. Being separated sort of puts a weird spin on things, too. I’m not here to complain about that, either. It just makes things a lot more complicated. I passed up my “cancerversary,” but I don’t care about diagnosis. I think I’ll celebrate my year of being cancer-free at the end of February when I had the double mastectomy; that seems like a good thing to celebrate. I’d love to say I’m done with “active” treatment, but I am not. COVID and several other illnesses…
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Chemoversary
January 24th, 2022, was the last time I had a chemo infusion. The main chemo, anyway. I’m not surprised the anniversary didn’t pop out at me. It’s kind of easy to forget, considering I want to forget. Leftover Symptoms A year out from the worst of chemo (chemo still technically continued until December 2022 with that Phesgo shot): The Aftermath I still get hot flashes which I had during chemo, but I think that’s due more to the stomach implant I get that suppresses ovary function. I physically feel good, for the most part. Not gonna lie, the kids and I have been sick like 95% of the winter so…
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Cancervesaries
WARNING: Chest photos! Turn back if you’re gonna be weird about it. 😉 I’ve been so busy with everything I forgot to remember that February 23, 2022, was my double mastectomy to an aesthetic flat closure! Aaaaaaand then I realized it also means I’ve been one year cancer-free. ???? NED NED = No Evidence of Disease. Or cancer-free. The surgery scraped out the last remnants of cancer, and so far, I haven’t felt any lumps or bumps, so I’m still considered cancer-free. This is fabulous, of course. As a survivor…you’re always kinda wondering when it’ll come back again. You can’t let it take over your life, but it’s important to…
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Turn and Face the Strange
It seems that change is inevitable for me. I had a hard enough time keeping up with life during the pandemic, and then…you know. All the stuff. The Job The problem with having, like, 4 “full-time jobs” is that you legit can’t get them all done at once. This often seems to be thrust upon women. You have to be all the things – default parent, put-together single parent, inspiring cancer patient, household project manager…with an actual full-time job. The ability to handle it without question is the expectation, but that’s unattainble and unsustainable. With that in mind, I left my beloved job of eight years. It’s been scary. Terrifying,…
