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Radiation: Protons on Hold
Three days and no radiation. What’s a gal to do? Photon therapy. If you thought photon therapy was what I’ve been getting, you’re not the only one. Took me some minutes to figure out photons and protons are not the same thing. I am unsure of the technical differences between the two; what I remember is that protons impact less of the internal organs. Photons are what most radiation patients get (protons are special to Mayo). The radiation oncology nurse left me a message in my Mayo portal: I’ll be doing photon therapy until the protons are back up. I asked about the timing – they’ll update my portal each…
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Radiation: Photons + Easter
Where we last left our protagonist, she was going in for photons… Which is an experience. Even the waiting room has a whole different feel to it. Things are done a little differently in the photon center. You get called back over the loudspeaker. There are several different dressing rooms – I guess it doesn’t matter where you go. The nurse comes back to get you like usual, but the gowns are backless (not the three arm holes that are everywhere else I’ve been), so there are a lot of older folks awkwardly walk around holding their gown and turning to make sure no one sees anything. The rooms are…
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Radiation: Treatments 6-8
I am…exhausted. Protons are back up and running. Treatment was scheduled for 10 p.m. Monday night. I arrive to find out there’s a two-hour wait. TWO HOURS. (My instinct is to go to bed at 8.) And of course, I left my headphones and iPad at the apartment. I sat there anyway, in an uncomfortable chair, listening to more than one man snoring very loudly, until my name got called at midnight. The treatment itself took more than 45 minutes. I was done at 12:55. Then there’s the walk back, the drive to home-for-now, aaaaand the inevitable wind-down time that’s needed before I can actually pass out. A late night…
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The Flat Movement
Disclaimer/Warning I will be posting a photo of my chest post-double mastectomy. I acknowledge that professional contacts do read this blog. If you choose to read on, know that. I am choosing to publish a photo, publicly, of my chest because it’s important that breast cancer patients know they have options when it comes to mastectomies. After talking to many survivors and joining several “flatties” groups, it’s apparent most surgical patients do not get great results. I cannot tell you how many photos I’ve seen of terrible, terrible surgical jobs. Some go through the implants route; many experience infections and other complications that ultimately leads to a flat closure. Not…
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Patience
It’s a virtue but also hard to come by. It’s never been easy for me. I’m generally decisive and hate waiting for things but let me tell you, you do a fuckton of waiting and you have to be patient or else you’ll lose your shit. You wait for your appointment, your name to be called over the loudspeaker, for the tech to come grab you for treatment, wait while they take x-rays and position you. Wait for the proton beam. Wait for schedules, sleep, video chats with the kids, the weekend, the days to count down, more sleep. Waiting for the next thing so you can get on with…
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The End…of Radiation
I am done with radiation. Yay! I am having mixed feelings about it. Boo! And not necessarily the cancer, either. Life still happens even when your own little world feels like it’s on hold. I kept starting and stopping posts – I do that when I am stressed about something. I don’t like unknowns and my writing takes on a more desperate tone (or at least I think so). A lot of rawness comes out, and it’s something I’d rather keep to myself. It’s meant for my journal and my therapist. ???? Feelings get a little more complicated when you add in pain. Over the weekend before the last full…
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Goodbye, Port
Had my regular Phesgo injection on Thursday. I mentioned that I can now get the port removed so it got scheduled for TOMORROW. That went by quick. I remember the pulling from the first time, but now that I’ve had a double mastectomy, I think this won’t be so bad. Hopefully. Wednesday will be my first Zoladex shot, half of my hormone suppression therapy. I asked my doc about getting my ovaries removed instead. Apparently, you get menopause symptoms either way. So if I handle the drugs, getting my ovaries would be fine. But if it’s essentially the same thing, I may reconsider opting for surgery. We’ll see. Not looking…
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It’s an implant!
What. The. Fuck. I’m working backwards because today was surprising. I went in for my first Zoladex shot. All I knew about it was that it’s supposed to suppress my hormones and that I’ll get it every quarter. Well, my very favorite nurse (WHO IS MOVING TO ALASKA I HATE YOU!) came and got me and I asked about where it was gonna go. The stomach. Shit, okay. Then she explains that it’s an IMPLANT. She brought me ice and had me ice the lower stomach area for a while. She printed off the side effects and all the other information I needed to know (that the docs didn’t give…
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Laura’s Chemotherapy Tips
I had plans to write this post at some point, but a dear friend of mine has a parent about to embark on the chemo ride. If you don’t mind sending out those good, healing vibes out into the universe like you did for me, I’d appreciate it. Note that I did NOT use any of the ice on my extremities or my head. I didn’t want to sit for chemo longer than I had to. Chemo Tips Everyone’s symptoms/side effects are vastly different. It can be tough to hear others are doing better or worse. You’ll find after talking to many cancer patients that experiences have a wide range.…
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Living Out Loud
I’ve noted that I’ve been feeling a little lost. It was nine months of crisis mode, and then you’re done. Well, kinda done. I’m excited to be “back”–whatever that means–but I don’t really remember what it was like before all this. Cancer changes your fucking life. In one of my “flattie” groups, I asked for some advice on how I should approach re-entering my workplace, and instead I got a slew of “why would you ever tell anyone about it” comments. Why would you share everything? Listen. I’ve been living out loud for my entire life. I know what comes with it. I don’t recommend it, but I refuse to…
