Cancervesaries

WARNING: Chest photos! Turn back if you’re gonna be weird about it. 😉

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I’ve been so busy with everything I forgot to remember that February 23, 2022, was my double mastectomy to an aesthetic flat closure!

Aaaaaaand then I realized it also means I’ve been one year cancer-free. ????

NED

NED = No Evidence of Disease. Or cancer-free.

The surgery scraped out the last remnants of cancer, and so far, I haven’t felt any lumps or bumps, so I’m still considered cancer-free.

This is fabulous, of course.

As a survivor…you’re always kinda wondering when it’ll come back again. You can’t let it take over your life, but it’s important to be diligent about your health.

Flat Closure

A year later, I am so so happy happy with my decision to go flat. It’s EXTREMELY comfortable. I had no idea that I noticed my boobs moving around so much (women will get me). And maybe some won’t understand this, but I feel more at home in my body. Maybe it’s that I’m proud of it. It feels strong and resilient.

Here’s what my chest looked like at the beginning of radiation last year.

What’s Different

Here’s what my chest looks like now.

• Scars are healing. The kids always tell me how good they look. 😉
• The dark spot on my right side is an old birthmark that showed up after radiation. That side will probably always look a little pigmented.
• Numbness. The numb sensation has seemed to even out. I have some feeling in areas I didn’t use to. Some is still there, but there’s still feeling behind it. It’s not a bad or good feeling, just different. I feel like my nerves did a pretty good job of reconnecting.
• Phantom pains. They weren’t too bad, even at the outset. I get random pains here and there, but it’s usually not too bad. I do itch in places where I’m too numb to be satisfied, but again, doesn’t happen often.
• Clothing. There have only been a few pieces I’ve donated because I feel weird in them. But otherwise, my staple wardrobe of t-shirts has been great. 😉 To be honest, my boobs were only noticeable after I gained 70 lbs with my oldest, so being on the flat side isn’t unfamiliar. It hasn’t been that big of an adjustment.

Life After a Year

If you’ve talked to me recently, you know I’ve been struggling. I thought this was a ME deficiency. Talking to other breast cancer survivors and flatties, specifically, I’ve realized I am not alone (how SHOCKING).

Most of us share the experience that treatment was “easy,” and that dealing with the aftermath is what lingers for years. That people think treatment should have been the “hard” part. That you’re still processing things years after, even if you’re happy with your body and you’re cancer-free. New things creep up. And even if we’re satisfied with our bodies, there are people out there who feel like certain body parts are more important than WHO we are.

Cancer has marked us. Our lives have changed. Many of us lose partners and friendships, jobs and careers. Identities. And while there’s a ton of loss, I feel more like a phoenix rising from the ashes. It’s a step towards whatever is coming next where I find my purpose in all of this.