The End…of Radiation

I am done with radiation. Yay!

I am having mixed feelings about it. Boo!

And not necessarily the cancer, either. Life still happens even when your own little world feels like it’s on hold.

I kept starting and stopping posts – I do that when I am stressed about something. I don’t like unknowns and my writing takes on a more desperate tone (or at least I think so). A lot of rawness comes out, and it’s something I’d rather keep to myself. It’s meant for my journal and my therapist. ????

Feelings get a little more complicated when you add in pain. Over the weekend before the last full week, my skin started to get pink.

My oncologist said that it’s going to get worse before it gets better – about 1-2 weeks. At the moment, it’s quite red where skin is the thinnest on my chest and neck, and then under my arm. It started off pretty mild but now the pain is pretty constant. Some spots feel like they’re on fire. There’s the tightness, the skin stretching. The burning itchiness.

I put on lotion quite often. I’ve been using aloe, Vanicream, this radiation cream I got off Amazon, Burt’s Bees, Aquafor…all the lotions. Not sure one is better than the other. I like the aloe with a thicker lotion so the lotion actually rubs into the skin. Otherwise, it gets on your shirt – then your shirt’s wet and rubbing up against your irritated skin. Then it all adds up and your rubbing skin or lotion bits off. I’m changing shirts a few times per day because when all that dries, it’s like crust on my skin so…nope. Now I’m showering more often to get that shit off my skin.

I did ask for some steroid cream that takes away the burning and itching. I am not convinced it works. The next step, medically, is a numbing cream but that’s for open sores. Blisters. Which does not sound fun, at all. I am crossing my fingers but I’m thinking it’s gonna happen. If it hurts now, it’s just gonna get worse, but we’ll see.

The kids were able to be at my last treatment. We headed down the night before and stayed in a hotel with a pool. They were in heaven. Treatment was early, 7:30. They watched me ring the bell! I’m glad they were able to be there, I think that gave them some closure.

Meanwhile, I’ve been on the phone with my insurance and Mayo. My insurance company is now telling me Mayo IS NOT in network. They said at least $14K of my surgery is out of pocket. That’s just for the surgery. They sent me all of my claims, and the claims show the same Mayo doctor as both in and out of network, and provider and non-provider. It’s confusing. Luckily, I’ve got some friends who’ve offered to help me through all of that. Fingers crossed.

I was hoping I could get another $10K from this cancer benefit I’ve been paying for, but it’s only good for once a lifetime…even though I’m still paying for the benefit. I checked through the paperwork and didn’t see that anywhere, but I doubt it’s something I can dispute.

The piece of good news is that the van is fixed! I was able to pick it up Friday!!!! It’s dumb, but I freaking love my minivan. (Also, I’m just tired of shit happening to me all the time.)

Now what?

As I’ve said, there are still a few months of shots. Ten years of hormone therapy. Still gotta get this port removed.

Not sure I can let out a sigh of relief, but the worst of it is over (well, except for the next couple weeks). Still, something feels unfinished.

For now, I’ll enjoy the time I have with the kids, even if it’s just showing up. It was impossible while feeling the chemo side effects.

Minnesota went from winter to summer, so I can soak up the sun (well, kinda). I’ve already gotten outside to repot some of my indoor plants (one of those pandemic hobbies). I found the best plant shop in Rochester and added a few others to my caretaking list (like kids and dogs aren’t enough). They didn’t just have plants…obviously an easy sell for me. 😉 One of those places I felt drawn to.

But now it’s “back to normal,” whatever that means. I’m not sure it exists.