Radiation: Treatments 6-8

I am…exhausted.

Protons are back up and running. Treatment was scheduled for 10 p.m. Monday night. I arrive to find out there’s a two-hour wait.

TWO HOURS.

(My instinct is to go to bed at 8.)

And of course, I left my headphones and iPad at the apartment. I sat there anyway, in an uncomfortable chair, listening to more than one man snoring very loudly, until my name got called at midnight. The treatment itself took more than 45 minutes. I was done at 12:55. Then there’s the walk back, the drive to home-for-now, aaaaand the inevitable wind-down time that’s needed before I can actually pass out.

A late night is one thing. Late night + early morning is…exhausting.

Treatment was at 7:15 a.m. Tuesday. About an hour wait.

I feel like I drank too much at Brother’s the night before and have an early English class. I could NOT think on my calls and just felt generally loopy. It’s hard for me to be isolated – extrovert here! – which seems to add to the disconnectedness I’ve been feeling.

Those feelings seem to ebb and flow. Things aren’t “balancing” well, and there’s a lot of adjusting going on. It’s tiring. My initial reaction to unexpected trials wants to be the middle finger, but I am so experienced at it now, I can easily quell the instinct. You realize shit happens – lots of fucking shit, in fact – that no one has any control over. Ruining someone’s day for it isn’t worth the expressed frustration.

Still, it’s…exhausting.

I had early treatment on Wednesday, again.

There have been delays both early treatments, about an hour. It’s just a lot of waiting around.

I did NOT sleep well last night. I even went to bed around 7 but I just did not stay asleep. Got about 4 hours. I’m a little bit running on empty. Hoping I get some well-needed sleep tonight.

I thought I just had treatment tomorrow afternoon, but after looking this evening, tomorrow starts my first two-a-day treatments. I hope that there are not so many delays. This week has just been…

Exhausting.