Done with Chemo
It’s over! It was over two weeks ago. But, there are the side effects. However, they’ve been minimal. In fact, this is the best cycle I’ve had! Must have been that extra week of rest.
Feeling better meant less time napping! More time working or trying to connect with friends (as we watch true crime documentaries). Still took it easy, make sure to lay down when I needed to. But it was a lot less time this round.
Managed to turn another year older. It was only 4 days after the infusion, so I was surprised when I felt good enough to eat cake! I’ve even indulged in some coffee, which is not typical soon after an infusion. It should be better from here on out. My energy has not completely returned, of course, but I’m working on it. I’ve got a whole month before surgery to build strength.
So…what are the next steps?
I’ll still go in for infusions but only of the two targeted drugs, neither of which are chemo. Those will continue every 3 weeks for a year. These drugs come with few side effects, so I anticipate I won’t have any issues with them. Those haven’t been scheduled yet – one more thing for the task list.
Surgery is scheduled for the 23rd, but I’ll be down there on the 21st for all the pre-op tests and such. Lindsay is flying out over the weekend and will be with me for surgery. I still find it a bit hard to believe you get about an hour recovery before they start pushing you out the door. I’m mostly looking forward to Lindsay being here and me not being in the middle of chemo!
For now, I’m in anxiety territory. Worrying about surgery. Worrying about how weird it’s going to be with no boobs. What people might think. Whether I’ll ever attempt to wear a bathing suit again. Luckily, I see my therapist regularly and I’ve been on anxiety meds for a while now (the pandemic didn’t help!), so these thoughts aren’t super intrusive. But I do have a lot of time to think, which is where I can get into trouble.
It’s less about the pain of going through any of this, but the lifetime of being different when I’ve already got so many things on that list. And this one is a visual difference. Some moments I want to know why I’m the one carrying so many torches, why am I not normal? Asking never results in any answers so I don’t ask too often. ???????? Joking aside, I’ve managed to keep those thoughts to a minimum thanks to distractions by friends and family. ❤️
The kids know I’m getting my boobs chopped off (that’s seriously how they phrase it ????) at the end of February. Evelyn is still in the “I don’t want you to” phase. But she has taken a page from Mae, who likes to say “you’re still a good mommy even though your boobs are getting cut off.” She may be saying it to convince herself , who knows. Mae has no problem with it whatsoever. She’s naturally empathetic and has been pretty supportive (which is really funny for a 5-year old). I’m not surprised at either reaction. ???? I am really glad they’re focusing on something other than the potential seriousness of all this. They can be normal kids. Well, as normal as we get! ????
