Positive Lymph Nodes
Linds and I drove back home this afternoon from Mayo. The drive wasn’t too bad but I’m already annoyed with it. A stupid thing to complain about when I’ve got Mayo within driving distance. I spent most of my youth up and down that highway, and it reminds me too much of my childhood. Even college years (it was one of two ways to get to Winona). But, small price to pay.
The internist at Mayo called me to say they’d gotten the results of the lymph nodes, which are positive, as they suspected. Nothing shocking here. Those will come into play during surgery.
Still no results on the skin biopsy. We’ll probably get those before the weekend.
A nurse from Mercy called me to go over Friday’s port placement. Turns out you get some sedation but most of the pain removal is from lidocaine. Having now done…3 of these procedures, being able to SEE what’s happening is a bit of a mindfuck. Still, the feeling is minimal – mostly same for the recovery.
It’s still hard not to worry, anxious about what it might be like. And like Lindsay said, I go in alone, into cold rooms with several nurses and doctors who read you consent forms and ask about your living will. I really don’t want to be the “odd chance.” So much waiting. It makes it so hard to think positively or be brave.
This has been quite a bit like having depression/anxiety, where you somehow find the strength to build back your energy, and then it’s easier to face things. I’m hoping to find more tricks to calm my mind while I’m waiting. I’d love suggestions. A lot of the time, you’re without your phone – you have to store all that stuff. I wonder if they’d let me carry around a book…
On a lighter note, Lindsay and I were going through the notes from the recent appointments, and she noticed that they referred to me as “pleasant” in my history notes. ?
Not sure anyone has referred to me as “pleasant,” but I’ll take it!
4 Comments
Carol Abraham
We are constantly sending positive thoughts to you and your family!!
Please let us know how we can help.
Carol and Dick
Karen
Beautiful Laura- I so feel what you’re going through! I spent six month earlier this year in prep rooms with doctors, nurses and consent forms and I so feel the cold stark sterility of it with you. What helped me were two things: focused breathing and sending blessings to others I knew who were struggling. I practice a meta meditation- repeating phrases like May she be safe. Be happy. Be healthy. Live with ease. Focusing on others I knew who were struggling and repeating these phrases for them always calms me down. And controlled breathing really helps me physically. It calms my racing heart and eventually my out of control mind follows. Here’s an article that talks about types of focused breathing and includes one that’s kind of a game! When I’m totally freaked I start with box breathing: breathing in to the count of four, holding my breath for four, then breathing out to the count of four and repeat. Love you and sent you tons of meta when I was swimming today! ❤️? https://web.noom.com/blog/breathing-exercises-to-reduce-stress/
Kim Klocek
Hi Laura,
Trust in the Mayo. You have a team that will work miracles for you. We are blessed to be able to go there. You are in the part of the journey that was really tough for me too. The waiting, not knowing. It will get better. The head games are the worst. Sending lots of positive thoughts for you and your fam. You got this. Fuck cancer.
Kim
Patricia
Just read this in the book Simple Abundance, the September 7th entry. Passing it on in case you find it helpful.
“When we are going through turmoil and challenge, sorrow and difficulty, I find it very reassuring to view my present from the vantage point of my future. Then, with our backward glance at our past lives in this one, we discover that whatever tries our soul and breaks our hearts now will be remembered as a ‘period’ that we courageously sailed through, past shoals to safe harbor.”
Picture your future cancer free self! Proud and strong of all she will have fought to overcome and beat cancer!