Chemo Eve

Life never turns out like I plan anymore. ?

This cold kicked my ass a bit. Spent a lot of time resting in hopes I’d at least make it to Evelyn’s birthday dinner. I did!

It meant fewer dates which was a bummer. This happens often anyway. There’s always at least one reschedule and the old “my kids are sick, do you want to risk it?”

I’m worried that they might turn me away because I’m at the end of the cold. And I’m scared of delays. Can’t control either of these things but I manage to worry about them anyway.

Anyway. Evelyn got what she wanted, which was Hyvee cake and dinner out.

She loves chicken wings, so that was her order. Mae has grilled cheese.

So ultimately I got to see/meet three people this week? ??? or wait, four. Ok see I don’t even know.

Which is my reality most of the time. Don’t ask me why I got to the airport when Becky was leaving for MSP…but yeah. I show up on the wrong day or at the wrong time. ??‍♀️ Its hard to keep things straight, even when I’m a planner. At least it’s nothing major (so far).

Start taking steroids today, the first of many medicines. The port site finally feels better, I’m prepared for a scary looking needle to go in there tomorrow.

It’s hard to know what to expect. And I’m trying not to go down too many of those roads. My mind says I’ll either get turned away or I’ll end up having some allergic reaction and have to stop.

My heart rate has been trending high since I got this news, which is probably typical. Because the chemo drugs can impact heart function, I’ll need to be good about moving my body and doing yoga and meditation.

Despite all these things, I think I’m in a good place. I know it’s going to be really tough and probably NOTHING like I’ve imagined. I am a fighter, though. I will do what needs to be done.

Don’t think that I’m some anomaly with this attitude. I think so many of you, if faced with the same thing, you’d find a way, too. There are so many of you I’ve admired for your strength. How you handle adversity. What you do when you keep getting knocked down. You’ve endured the loss of loved ones and have had to fight battles a lot of us don’t even know about.

You kick ass, too.

I think it was on my way home from an appointment early in when Tish Melton’s “We Can Do Hard Things.” It’s become an anthem of sorts, and for whatever reason it always makes me cry. I’ve struggled alone so much of my life, doing the hard things. I’ve had those days wondering whether I could endure something else. And I’m here still doing them.

It means a lot to have cheerleaders out there while my body goes to work. It means so much more than I can say.

I managed to sneak in a fancy ass dinner with Becky and Caroline, a friend I made at work.

It was one of those long dinners filled with yummy food and a random assortment of conversation topics that make for some of the best dinners.

Today was the day I wrote an intro to the organization I volunteer for and love so much. I spent those two hours at the airport going through email and it’s so amazing and weird to have people I don’t even know support me.

If there’s anything I want out of life, aside from my kids growing up to be good humans, is that my life had some meaning. I lived and did something to help someone. And I can say I’ve done that. ?

Your support will carry me through tomorrow and the rest of treatment. Do not be surprised if we get kicked out for laughing too loud. I sort of look forward to it, as much as one can. I’m in good hands with good company. And I’m ready to kick cancer’s ass!!!!! ??