Day 2: Big Update

I started this post early in the day but by the end of it, things had totally changed. Amazing how both your mood and outlook change drastically over the course of learning things. Also, the support has been amazing and overwhelming in the best of ways. Forgive me for being shocked, quite frankly, over the outpouring. I think of myself as an acquired taste, and I may have underestimated how many of you don’t mind the flavor.

There’s lots of good news. I have no idea in what order these things happened anymore. (I really understand now why you need someone else with you on these.)

• I am HER2 positive. According to the “nurse navigator” (THANK GOD FOR NURSES), this means it’s fast growing.
• Treatment will most likely include surgery AND chemotherapy. She mentioned the drug Herceptin.
• Based on the clinical evidence, I am stage 2. This means it’s early.
• She explained that the cancer is in at least one of my lymph nodes but that it doesn’t mean it’s spread. They don’t think it is, but a PET scan will tell us more.

Meanwhile, friends have been reaching out to their contacts in healthcare. A breast oncologist at Mayo so graciously gave me a call to explain what the workup is like. (She told me I have friends in high places ? – it’s true.) Appointments are set for intake at the Mayo. That will ensure we’re doing the right thing.

The PET scan. Insurance won’t approve it for 10 days, so it’s set for early September. After calling insurance and the imaging center, we’re trying to expedite it so I can get in earlier. This developed in a matter of months, we don’t really want to waste time. The scan itself is a bit crazy. It’s like a CT scan, but then you’re injected with a radioactive sugar. You can’t be around kids for 12 hours after. I asked her if she was kidding; she was not.

We’re also doing genetics testing, so I’ll meet with genetics counselor next week. My mom sent me the list of family who have/had cancer…it’s a lot. More than half. My mom has been in touch with relatives getting all the info – thanks MOM! A cousin on one side has breast cancer so I’ll connect with her when I take a breath. Luckily, another cousin who has girls my age was tested for the BRACA gene (I don’t know if I got that right) and doesn’t have it! At least we’ll know this for the kids.

And speaking of, the nurse gave me some resources to talk to the kids. I’m trying to stay positive that we can still be a family but sometimes the comments on how much it’s going to impact the kids, even to the point of having to pull them out of school. It’s just…maybe? I know it will impact them but now behavioral problems? More fears. I’m not going to hide what’s going on. I don’t know how truly tough this is going to be but I do like to think I’m pretty strong.

As for me, I admit being a wreck most of the morning. Telling people makes it real. Facing insurance barriers, the logistics of work schedules, crying in front of people who haven’t seen that side of you. The Minnesotan in me apologizes over and over, but it’s been incredible. You’ve offered to show up, take the kids, fly to MN, hook me up with Mayo, Google shit so I don’t have to, spread the word, send me a meme…all the things. It means a lot. A lot, a lot. Even a kind word. I don’t care. It helps.

I will apologize if I don’t get back to you in a timely manner. There are some times when I’m too sad to answer, it’s true; or I’m on the phone with a nurse. It’s been a fucking crazy day, honestly. Don’t think that I don’t see you, or that I’ll not take you up on your offer. I WILL. 😉

So questions.

What can I do?

lol no idea. Not yet. My guess is I’ll need company and distraction. No, that doesn’t require flying here (not that I mind). There are Netflix parties, Slack chats, etc. I’ll take what I can get. 😉

I am exhausted. I feel a lot better but my head feels fuzzy. I will most certainly crash after our meal of McDonald’s ? (child requested).